I want to be what everyone tells me I am incapable of. I wish I could say I am happy with what I am, where my past has taken me, and what will become of me. I wish I could say that I am respected, and that wherever I go people don’t stare at me and think that I am a freak.
Something must be understood. Everyone has a different style; everyone lives how they want to live. Why should I be criticized for the way I live? Yes, I am the quiet guy in the back of the class. Yes, I am the one dressed in black to hide all of my insecurities. Yes, I wake up every morning wishing I weren’t alive and then crying myself to sleep that night because I am so angry at the world I live in. And yes, I am “that guy” that everyone talks about, only because I have been subjected to such torture and pain. The way I live is a result of the world I live in, the world we created, world full of hate, and lies, and shame. When will that ever leave us?
I was once told that the way you carry yourself one day is how the world will see you forever. What did this tell me? That the world despises what I stand for, even despises me as a person. I have been confronted so many times about the way I act and I can’t ever say anything, because no matter what, they can find some justification for making fun of me, no matter what I’ve been through. No one could ever understand.
So why would I ever write this? I am trying to show everyone that no matter what you go through, you can still live and find a way to cope. I find it because I want to see a day where I can be happy. I want to live.
Right now, you probably think that this is some miserable teenage guy who feels the need to complain about his problems. Well let me tell you, this is most definitely not like that. I want all of you to please hear me when I say this You are worth it. And that is the message I want to spread. I want the entire world to know that no one deserves to be treated the way I do. I want to see a world where children go to bed with smiles on their faces. I want a world where parents don’t have to worry about anything except loving their child and their spouse. This world seems non-existent, I understand that. However, maybe with help from whoever reads this, we can build this world.
I am just a beginner, and some of you, or maybe all, would rather ignore me. But you must at least see it too? I am writing this now, only to keep my mind of these thoughts and redirect them onto something more positive.
All I need is to stop worrying about what will happen, what will people think…and all other things related to the future. What you surely have is only the moment in which you’re living right now. Live like there’s no tomorrow…
Dedicated to someone special….