A New Beginning – Happy New Year 2012

So its a last day and the year is over.. and there is no going back.. no rewrite no do over… So I decided to sit down and do a review… I noticed I wrote more here… which like I have said I should write daily.. pick a topic a question or just sit and write date it and post it when I can.. There was a 5 things that I didn’t write at all.. but once I started I wrote at least once if not more a month.. and I noticed that each blog was about a fight with Him.. so that speaks volumes..

I noticed the less we fought the less I wrote.. but I am sure there were times that I could not just sit and type out my feelings… so in that respect it makes the year look like it was horrid.. Granted the year was a pain.. there were ups and downs.. and a lot of them.. but that is life.. I am sure that others have had it WAY worse.. and I feel bad for them..

Without looking at my blog as the source of my year review.. There were a lot of great moments. Times where the smiles out weighed the times where I wanted to cry… So the year on a whole was okay..

It is time to make the next chapter of this book better..



Stop Worrying and Start Living…

I want to be what everyone tells me I am incapable of. I wish I could say I am happy with what I am, where my past has taken me, and what will become of me. I wish I could say that I am respected, and that wherever I go people don’t stare at me and think that I am a freak.

Something must be understood. Everyone has a different style; everyone lives how they want to live. Why should I be criticized for the way I live? Yes, I am the quiet guy in the back of the class. Yes, I am the one dressed in black to hide all of my insecurities. Yes, I wake up every morning wishing I weren’t alive and then crying myself to sleep that night because I am so angry at the world I live in.  And yes, I am “that guy” that everyone talks about, only because I have been subjected to such torture and pain. The way I live is a result of the world I live in, the world we created, world full of hate, and lies, and shame. When will that ever leave us?

I was once told that the way you carry yourself one day is how the world will see you forever. What did this tell me? That the world despises what I stand for, even despises me as a person. I have been confronted so many times about the way I act and I can’t ever say anything, because no matter what, they can find some justification for making fun of me, no matter what I’ve been through. No one could ever understand.

So why would I ever write this? I am trying to show everyone that no matter what you go through, you can still live and find a way to cope. I find it because I want to see a day where I can be happy. I want to live.

Right now, you probably think that this is some miserable teenage guy who feels the need to complain about his problems. Well let me tell you, this is most definitely not like that. I want all of you to please hear me when I say this You are worth it. And that is the message I want to spread. I want the entire world to know that no one deserves to be treated the way I do. I want to see a world where children go to bed with smiles on their faces. I want a world where parents don’t have to worry about anything except loving their child and their spouse. This world seems non-existent, I understand that. However, maybe with help from whoever reads this, we can build this world.

I am just a beginner, and some of you, or maybe all, would rather ignore me. But you must at least see it too? I am writing this now, only to keep my mind of these thoughts and redirect them onto something more positive.

All I need is to stop worrying about what will happen, what will people think…and all other things related to the future. What you surely have is only the moment in which you’re living right now. Live like there’s no tomorrow…





Dedicated to someone special….


Perfect Lines……..

Originally posted on Dreamers never die:


Sometimes people ask me if I ever miss you. Not knowing what to say, I vaguely change the subject. Honestly, I don’t miss you. I don’t miss you at all. I think about you at times though, I admit. You randomly come across my mind as I’m traveling in the car . I’m sure I come across your mind like that too. Like the moment when you’re getting dressed for work, you realize that a gentle presence is missing from the ever so long planned scene?

Nonetheless, I don’t miss you. I just think about you sometimes. I think about your contagiously wide smile and absolutely infectious laugh. I think about your ability to get overly passionate about some things, and remain apparently unmoved by most. I think about your always colorful clothing, and those pancakes I never got to eat. I think about us spending time together in…

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Have You Ever Found Your True Love

I have been away for quite a while, peeking in only very rarely. I am missing it extremely, no one stopped me from being here. I just got “too busy”, couldn’t access it from work, and didn’t find a dedicated time to sit down and express myself anymore. It was always sad to me that I didn’t get to come back often like I desired.

I believe in the power of my expression here and only hope to be well received after a long time away. So today I dedicate this post to one of my friend who inspired me to come back.

What is TRUE LOVE ?

When you’re in love, you always feel like every day is special, though you don’t know why. A rise from the bed every morning seems to be new chances of hopes, of dreams, and of fantasies. The sound of the soft wind, touching your very senses makes you feel relieved that you’re living “the life”!

With great love comes great life, because one cannot live without love.

How wonderful it is to see millions of people around you, yet you ask yourself “of all people, why her”? Every person is unique, and then you ask yourself again, “What did I found in her that I cannot see on others”? How great will it be to accept someone wholeheartedly despite of her’ negative side?

TRUE LOVE then answers your doubting mind. It is true love then, when you accept her to enter into your heart and never regret, when you understand her even with her frustrations, when all you care about is just to make things special whenever you’re together. True love begins when you are ready to say “SHE’S THE ONE”!


Always remember that if a person loved you once, even after a hundred years there will still be some of that love left. No matter how much that person denies it.

I Loved Only Once, And That Will Never Die

How many times do true love comes around? I believe you only love once and the rest are near hits. When I talk about love, I am not talking about those times you really liked someone and end up spending over a decade tied into a relationship that later turns sour. Loving once means that the yard stick was laid out and everything else will be measured by it. I may not talk about it, but is there in the back of my mind, swimming among the memories. How do I know it was true love? How else do you explain a trip to heaven? Missing someone every moment, where you want to become one. Being inside and not wanting to come out, getting lost in the delight of the moment.


Her name was —-. Light skin, brown eyes, young and full of life, just as I was, too young to see the implications of loving someone. We talked, laughed, we touch and the spark began. Making love was the ultimate experience, savoring her nectar of pleasure, feeling every inch of her insides, and wanting to move in her for eternity. There was no sleep as I watch her, wanting to imprint her image with the fire of desire. And I felt she would be there forever…


“I am sorry”, she said as my world came crashing. How long it has been? Many, many days has passed since that day, but you see, the image still in there, imprinted until, the day I die. Such a thirst for more, for that connection that we desperately look for and never find again. I am older now, hope is but a diminishing light and other things now occupy my time. But once in a while I go back and take a peak, can’t remember heaven, only an image of a girl that took my heart and never return it. I am fated for life, you see, as I only loved but once, and once I went to heaven.